Lisi Lovers

 

Thank you to Hannah for sending this story in. Leave your comments! THIS IS ONLY HALF OF HER W.P.I. (WORK IN PROGRESS) STORY. If you want to read more...(which you will) the other half will be posted tommorow.

Tiffany Chase looked at her reflection on the full length mirror on the back of her door. She stared at her long, brunette hair and stared straight into her shocking grey eyes. She went over to her bed, then started reading a magazine...

"She's a walking casting call, a fashion runway doll..."

The first words of Jordan Pruitt's Miss Popularity came through her phone, ruining her calm moment.

"Hello?"  she asked in an annoyed tone.

"Guess what Tiff?"

There were only a select number of people that called Tiffany Skye Chase 

Tiff, and and even selector number actually called it to her face. Plus, she knew that voice anywhere.

"Yes Charlotte?"

Charlotte DeWaters was Tiffany's best friend. They had known each other since they went to Montessori School in kindergarden together,

" We have new people!" Charlotte exclaimed

"Info please?" said Tiffany.

"Okay, so I heard that they're triplets!"

"NO WAY!" said Tiffany.

"YES WAY!" exclaimed Charlotte.

Charlotte DeWaters was the Queen of Gossip. She always knew what was going on. Probably because of her dirty blonde hair, baby face, and blue eyes she could get people to tell her anything. 

" Wait, are they THE triplets?" Tiffany asked

" Yeah..." Charlotte said

Tiffany and Charlotte were a clique, called the DeChase's because they were practically sisters and so they mixed their last names together. The triplets used to be part of the clique, but then moved away and never gave contacted Tiffany or Charlotte. Tiffany and Charlotte still believe that they are the losers they were in 5th grade.( They are in 7th now).

" Ugh, they probably still wear those high mom jeans and those huge tee shirts!" Tiffany giggled

"Yeah I know!" Charlotte giggled back.

Tiffany and Charlotte had always been the alphas ( well, in Tiffany's case) of the clique.

Audrey, Anna, and Alexa Reine were the triplets. Audrey, Anna, Alexa,Tiffany, and Charlotte had been friends since Kindergarden. Then in fifth grade, the triplets moved away and Tiffany and Charlotte had broke free of their loser shell and became the alphas that they were today. Tiffany wondered what it would be like when they came back.


There was about a week until school started. Tiffany had yet to go really back to school shopping. During the summer, she had vacationed in the South of France, and just two weeks ago had gotten back from Orlando, Florida, a trip she took with Charlotte. She had been buying clothes all summer, but she hadn't actually gone "back to school shopping." 

Tiffany pressed 1 on her Sidekick, which was covered in pink rhinestones and had her initials (TSC), and speed-dialed Charlotte. 

"Hey Tiff, What's up?" said Charlotte.

"Hey, I have to go back to school shopping." said Tiffany

"Ohmygod! Me too!" Charlotte said in a totally clueless tone.

"Okay, I'll meet you at our favorite Juicy." Tiffany said.

"Okay." said Charlotte. 

Tiffany had an undying love for pink, Juicy Couture, Tiffany's(it was her namesake, after all), and her tiny teacup Yorkie, Couture.

"Let's bring Couture, she'll love it!" Tiffany suddenly exclaimed.

"Sure." Charlotte laughed. 

Tiffany and Couture left the apartment facing Central Park. Tiffany was slipping on her oversized sunglasses when she got a text message.

Gianna Heigo- Guess who I saw leaving Grand Central 2 day??

Gianna was one of Tiffany's best friends.

Tiffany Chase- ?

Gianna Heigo- The triplet's 'rents! Must mean they're in town... Right?

Tiffany Chase- I guess

Gianna Heigo- You GUESS?

Tiffany Chase- Already knew. G2G cya l8er. 


Tiffany didn't bother getting excited about Gianna's texts. She already knew about the triplets.

She stepped into a sleek black town-car that took her and Couture to Juicy.

Once Tiffany and Couture got to Juicy, Tiffany felt immediately at home. The people working inside greeted her by name.

Just as she was about to climb the zebra-printed stairs, a frazzled looking Charlotte burst in.

She handed Couture to Charlotte and continued to head up the zebra-printed stairs, Charlotte in suit. 

"Ohmygod! Look at these sweat suits!" Tiffany exclaimed.

Juicy had just come out with new sweats in a variety of colors.

"We have to buy them in every color! And....... OH! LOOK AT THESE JEANS!" Tiffany exclaimed. She was looking at a pair of sparkle-infused jeans.

Tiffany in Juicy Couture was like watching a little kid in a candy store. It was impossible to get her out until she got exactly what she wanted.

*************************************

Once Tiffany, Charlotte and Couture were finished in Juicy ( which ended up in Tiffany practically buying half the store) they hopped into Tiffany's town car. They decided to get a few of their friends together, shop some more, then go to Dinner. Tiffany and Charlotte took the town car to Tiffany's giant apartment. They gave Couture to the housekeeper, then ran down to the limo waiting for them outside.

They jumped in.

"Hot or Not?" Tiffany said as soon as they got inside of the limo. It was a game they had been playing for a long time.

"HOT!" Charlotte said.

Tiffany was wearing a Lucky Brand denim miniskirt with a pink cami. On her feet, she had on white flip flops, and her wrists were covered in Tiffany's bangles.

"Rate me!" Charlotte said.

"Same!" Tiffany giggled.

Charlotte was wearing almost the exact outfit that Tiffany was wearing, but her shirt was baby blue cami. She also wasn't wearing the Tiffany's bangles like her friend. 

They headed to Stanton Social, their favorite place to eat dinner. Once they got there, they ordered their usual ( Kobe Beef Burgers, French Onion Soup Dumplings, and Lamb Tacos) then started to talk.

"Guess what? The triplets coming back is a lie! Gianna was making it up so we would be in her debt or something. SO annoying!" Charlotte said.

"I know!" Tiffany agreed.

"But the truth is," Charlotte said, "is that we are going to have a new girlie. And she knows people."

"Wow. So do I!" Tiffany said in a bored tone.

"Yeah, well it will be a change for a new girl to enter our world. Bring it on, right?" Charlotte exclaimed. 

Tiffany smiled. They said the same thing, every year since fifth grade. Same with Stanton Social. Once they had discovered it at the end of fifth grade, they ate there all the time. 

Right when they were finished talking, their food came. They ate it, then the town car took Charlotte home then Tiffany.

Tiffany said goodnight to Couture, then fell asleep.

The next day, Tiffany called Charlotte as soon as she got up.

"Hey Charlotte, what's the plan for today?" Tiffany asked Charlotte.

"Let's umm... do nothing?" Charlotte laughed.

"I know... let's go to Central Park!" Tiffany exclaimed.

"Kay! We can check out all the guys!" Charlotte wagged her eyebrows. She was a bit boy crazy. 

"Kay!" Tiffany agreed.

Sienna Blue looked into the semi murky water of Central Park. She hated New York. She would much rather be with her friends in Paris, but her parents grew up here and insisted that they moved back to the city. She had to leave behind her friends, her house, and practically her entire life in Paris that she had grown accustomed to from when her family had moved in the summer of third grade. She knew Tiffany and Charlotte, and used to be friends with them until she moved to Paris, but when she moved to Paris, she changed. She got an entire new wardrobe, new hobbies, and new friends. She was the alpha of her school in Paris, and it was going to stay that way.




Tiffany and Charlotte walked into the park and towards Sienna's way in their matching outfits. Navy (for Charlotte) and Robin's Egg Blue (for Tiffany) baby doll dresses with white cork espadrilles and huge oversized sunglasses hung on the giggling girl's bodies.  Sienna stared at them. 




Tiffany looked at the girl next to the water staring at them. 

"She's pretty..." Tiffany thought. Sienna was. She had long, pale hair and celery green eyes. She looked up at Tiffany.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." she smirked. Sienna was used to people staring at her, so she already had a comeback prepared.

"Like I was looking at you! Puh-lease, I was totally looking at that duck over there. Right C?" Tiffany shot back.

"Um yeah.." Charlotte said, then whispered to Tiffany, "why are you being mean? She could join us, I mean, look how pretty she is!" 

Tiffany softened, then looked back at Sienna. 

"Hey, do you want to hang out with us sometime?" Tiffany said.

"Um, sorry, but no. I have my own friends. Sorry!" Sienna said, not trying to sound mean, but to Tiffany, it did. 

"Fine then!" she said, then proceeded to drag Charlotte away from Sienna and out of the park.
"Sienna, did you make any new friends today?" Sienna's mother, Jayne Blue, asked her daughter.
"Mom, I already have friends. I don't need new ones."


"But-" Jayne tried to cut in.

"NO!" she yelled, then stormed up to her room. 


Sienna ran into her room and slammed the door shut. The sound of her mother speaking rapid french over the phone to her father made her homesick for Paris.

Tiffany was shocked by this new girl. This was her city, her friends, HER LIFE! She wasn't about to let some pretty new girl take it all away from her. She was  Miss Popularity. And it was going to stay that way.



 


Comments

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:16:20

I kind of got bored like right away upon beginning the story. There is no need to create another clique; you can stay with the PC because we all know that's the best one. :) These girls are one-dimensional and the plot is very cliche. I suggest deleting this story and making a new one - where the girls are much more human and real. You know how Lisi makes Massie real by giving her some flaws? Massie cares what people think of her and is secretly insecure. No, being mean and popular are not flaws.

Good luck!

-Jackie

 

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:08:45

i love ur story...i think its gr8 but i also think it sounds just a little tiny bit like some other books ive read...the clique....gossip grl....like that part where they c those grls parents @ central station.... *serena @ central* but i liked the original plot twist w/ the french girl....i also think that u really masterd detailed writing...i almost felt like i was there w/ charlotte and tiffany in juicy...but maybe a few more twists and lke jackie said about real people.... keep us intrested! make us think "omg, i dont want to put this down i have to find out what happens to them!!!!" i experiecnced this with gossip girl books...but dont copy other styles!!! create your own!

you put your story on the internet for critique, so your not going to get a bunch of gushing...i tried to do some nice editing, i hope i helped you without hurting you...whatever you do DONT STOP WRITING!!!

luv aj <3

 

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 02:29:17

I agree with Jackie and AJ. I agree that whole plot of "Much Prettier New Girl" is so cliche. I think that the story is going too fast. You should add a little more narrating and other situations to make it look not-fast. Anyways, I think its too Clique-y. When I read it, it reminded me so much of the Clique. And the central park part, it sounded like the pond scene in GG: the Carlyles. Sorry if I spoiled anything. Like what AJ said, think of something original...

I really think that you should've started the story with something really exciting because at the start of the story, it should already interest the readers. -- I learned that from my cousin. I'm writing a story too but I'm just in the first chapter.

Mostly, NO OFFENSE and I don't mean to sound mean. I think that you could write something really great :)

 

Hannah

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:57:59

Thanks guys for critiquing it :)
for andee-
I honestly havent read the new gg. book, so i wouldnt know about that. I still working on it. so keep reading! :))

 

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:18:42

It was borrrrrrrrrrring i didn't even finish it. I was so tired it was like reading the clique over again by a less creative writer.


Just my criticism don't hate me for it!

 

savannah

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:00:20

They shouldnt have matching clothes and stuff b/c it is so 5 yrs old

 

saraa

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:44:54

it was okay but SO cliche. But i am interested in reading more, just so i can know how the story ends. the outfits are really ugly. pink cami and denim minis? thats like limited too material. juicy sweats? ugh. so cliche. again.

 

Sarah

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 22:06:16

sounds used. like a mix of the clique and gossip girl and the descriptions of the girls were very shallow. Plus, the part where Charlotte said something about how pretty seinna was and she could hang out with them? That was kind of bad, because you don't choose your friends on looks. It was pretty scattered and very cliche. Plus the characters have barley any depth. Readers should feel like they know the character: age, backround, likes, pet peeves, and more. Stuff that makes the charachter REAL. Over all, it was all done before. You have potential, you just need to get your own ideas.
NO OFFENSE! You are a good writer, just needs a little work.

 

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:02:30

i thought it was Okay. need i remind everyone that the first clique book was kinda cliche 2? i think everyone knows that Massie "adopting" claire throughout the series and making her popular was going happen, it really wasn't a huge shock. i think the fight between massie and claire should have gone on a little longer. but what do i know?

Hannah-
i thought it was good, maybe you should read a little "Teen Vouge" or go on saksfifthavenue.com to look up some outfits, because the ones in your story were hardly cute. no offence and i agree with whoever said it should be more exciding in the beginning. maybe start with a conversation between ppl (for example, the first chaper of the clique would have been boring if it wasn't for the fight between massie and her mom and her talking to bean). conversations always make things more exciding. PLAN BEFOREHAND! because it kinda sounded like you just wrote not knowing what to write.

 

Shelby

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 10:33:04

I luv your story I might like it a bit better if it were about TPC but I still luv it. Make sure to keep writing! :)

 

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:06:49

Ooooooo, luv the names! ;) Anyways I think you should skip the part about the triplets, it is unessisary. Good story line though, good idea! Keep going!!!!

-tIfFaNy :)

 

Carol

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 21:57:17

I think your story sound all too familiar- and not in a very good way. And although I try to be well read, and read deep, profound novels- I still have my indulgences. And my indulgunt books are either the Gossip Girl series, or The Clique series. Your story seemed alarmingly familiar to both of these books. In your story, the characters have no depth, no reality, and make no sense! For example, I don't think anyone could bear reading about two perfect girls whos only worries were not being popular. With other stories, yes there are the clothes, the over-the-top allowance... yet there is still a part of each character that reminds us that they are not perfect. Whether it be debt, self confidence problems, controlling parents, or a bad love live- the characters need flaws! Also, how are these young girls allowed to bring a dog into a respected store, and drive around New York City in a Limo all day long? I could find myself beleiving it... if I had more reasons to. Like... maybe if you said that one of the girls mom's had known the designer of Juicy for many years... allowing her to parade freely and with kindness from the employees around the store. Also, I find that the French girl is quite odd. If she had lived in New York before (Long enough to make friends, etc.) how could she have picked up French so fast, and actually call Paris home? I think that you need to give these characters more personality.

 

Juliette

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:27:40

saraa what is wrong with the 'Limited Too' outfits? i like Ltd2!

 



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